Sunday, May 28, 2017

I guess.

It's ramadhan again.
Happy fasting everyone.
Jangan ponteng tanpa sebab nah.

Usually this time of the year, 10 years ago,
I'd buka puasa at the local surau
Near my house.
And....... Usually I can stand the 8 rakaat tarawikh + 3 witr with no problem.
(Except that one night, where my nose was running with blood and I had to stop halfway and the makciks was all worried and told me to get daun sireh coz it helps with bleeding nose).

But tonight, I can only stand for 4 rakaat of tarawikh.
My body felt uncomfortable.
My stomach was wind-rumbled,
My throat was ready to puke itself,
And my head was banging like there's a drum concert going on.
Cold sweats covered my face.
I had to stop before I faint.

7 years ago, I stopped going to the surau for ramadhan.
Mostly because everyone was makciks and pakciks,
But part of it because it didn't feel the same anymore.
I can't stand that pity faces the makciks was giving me.
Like seriously makcik, I know I lost my mum but don't make the moreh as a pity party for me.
So because of that, I stopped going to the surau for moreh and tarawikh.

Then college happened,
And a year of working,
And university.

I tried going to it again,
It felt different here.
(Well, everyone is same-or-almost-same-age)
But probably because I recalled the moments of going to surau Kg.Kubang Chandong for tarawikh.
I missed those moments.

But alas,
Life is to go on and lessons are to be learnt.

Oh and again,
These few days,
Those past feelings of past people have been creeping up.
I don't know why.
But it kinda disturbs me, somehow.
I mean, I can go waaaaaaaayyyyy back to feelings.
But wake up either forgot about it,
Or keep thinking about it.

I wish I can stop these feelings.
It makes me feel bad about myself.

The finals are coming.
The karate season is over.
Guess I have to start studying for the 7 subjects for this semester.

Pray for me?

p/s: 2 years? Wait for me? Can?

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