Wednesday, December 21, 2016

Of all the things

Then there's me,
Posting something regarding relationships,
Again.

This should be interesting.
*evil smirk*

The last semester of my diploma,
I remembered being too heartbroken,
And I performed solat istikharah,
For Allah to guide me for my choices.

But, that time,
There was none to be picked
(Since it was regarding the relationships I was in with before)
Because at that time,
There were only two persons,
The one ex, and another ex.

It was as if,
The answer was neither of them.
Then my friend said,
"Well our dreams are usually disturbed by the Syaitaans..."

But now I realized...
It was never them.
Because if it was,
It would've worked by now.

I had to be honest,
I was a bit pressured seeing the people around me getting married,
But then, I remembered saying this to my roommate,
"I'm not ready of getting married, and it's not in my near-future planning"
(Maksudnya takde dalam perancangan masa terdekat)

Man, it was tough.
I wanted to get married, but at the same time I don't want to (yet).
It's like you're in a diet but you wanted to finish a large pizza by yourself.

I enjoy being free,
But at the same time I like the idea of me being in a relationship.
Then I don't.
Then I wanted to, again.
Then entahlah this thing keeps going on and on.

"Mana nak cari lelaki yang baik macam S***** tu lagi..."
Okay okay. I know.
I would be an idiot to let him go, aite?

But then again,
There are more beautiful creatures called
Beautiful and graceful girls out there
That would suit him
And be an apple to his eyes.
(Me and my peribahasa english, lol)

Yelah, aku ni kasar orangnye.
Gelak pun macam jantan.
Tak reti nak berlembut lembut macam iklan softlan.

I reflect myself, a lot.
Lot more than you think.
Just that, I don't act out the way I was supposed to.
Me and my walls of anxiety.

I actually stopped caring for what people think of me.
But then someone (more than one)
Wanted me to do things I don't wanted to.
And messed with my future plannings.
Deymm.
Cannot be free, still.

p/s : Here I am with my legs on the table, blogging instead of studying.

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