Sunday, September 18, 2016

A broken wing and A broken soul.

Indeed life give us lemons everyday.
Then comes the cloud
And the rain
And the storm
But I can't seem to find the rainbow.

Or was it because I can't see the rainbow anymore?

"Try opening your heart a little to people around you"
I did,
Then my hopes and trust got shattered,
My heart has lost its sense of longing and believing
In beautiful things and feelings.

"Try stepping out of that wall that you built"
I did,
Then my mind loses its balance,
My emotions got confused
And I ended up feeling more remorse than ever.

"Try to love once again, give love another chance to live..."
I did,
Well, I did...
And...
It may seems like, maybe... Just maybe...

Was it a wrong decision from the start?
Did I feel happy?
Did I feel alive?
Did I feel appreciated?
Did I feel loved?
Did I feel it is worthy?

I don't know.
At this point, I don't know...

I don't know if I should love,
I don't know if I should be loved,
I don't know if I deserve this...
Whether I should hang on or give up,
Whether I should stay close or drift apart further,
Whether I should continue this way or let myself be an emotionless person...

I don't know.
Honestly.

And all these tears haven't really helped.
I just choke myself from the thoughts of everything
And let myself sleep after being tired of crying.
I don't know what is right to do anymore,
Or who should I trust to mend and heal my broken soul.

Then I decided,
Maybe it's time that I handle this by myself, on my own, all the way.
I should just take care of my broken wing and other parts on my own,
Not relying on anyone else,
And trusting them to fix it.
Because in the end,
I only have myself to rely on.

Lonely? Yes.
But what can I do if that's the only way I can prevent myself from being hurt again,
And preventing myself from hurting others as well.

p/s : Confused as I am right now, I really hate falling asleep while crying.

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