Sunday, October 1, 2017

Queen bee.

My mind is literally blank.
The new tournament is coming soon.
And I've volunteered as tribute.
I mean, manager.

I'll get busier.
Adding the part time job as well.
And studying.

I'm worried the same issue will take place.
You, me. You needing the attention I can't give.
Me having to alternate between messaging you and manage the team.
And being a manager is twice as hard as being the athlete.

Relationships are hard to handle.
Can't we just skip all these?

Why can't I let myself be a single lady?
Can't I just enjoy being busy myself?

Distance has separated us hard enough.
And problems make it worse.
You can't handle the thought of me here, surrounded by males.
While I, on the other hand, told you that if you found someone better,
Then I won't mind if you go.

I chose the simple life.
That way I can live peacefully.

p/s : I already gave my contacts and details to register. So yeah.

Bed time and stories in between.

I obviously am having some difficulties with my mind.
Or maybe, my feelings.

I was well-known as a person who keeps things to myself.
The outcome?
Random 3 am thoughts and sometimes,
Crying really hard with hiccups.

I can cry all night,
And sleep.
Then wake up and put on a devillish fake smile.

So 3 years ago, huh?
At least everything was put through and settled.
No hard feelings, okay?
I'm glad I talked about it.
And no other feelings, perhaps?
It's for the better.
And find a better person, I know you could.

And... you know what else I suddenly remembered?

My friend (girl) once told my best friend since primary school (guy),
That I was....
"Keluar dgn lelaki yg dia (which means me) baru kenal"
This happened in form 5 if I'm not mistaken.

Little that she remember is that,
She was the one went out with someone she just knew.
So... Dimakan kata2 sendiri? I don't know.

But leave that to that.
I hope she's happy with the life she chose.

Oh yeah, know what else I suddenly remembered? (This was because I was scrolling through Twitter's DMs)

"Jaga hati sy jgk plis"
Yeah you know who you are *wink*
It was my bad, I was the one involved with karate. So yeah.
I didn't spare some time to talk to you.
How could I, kan?

Girlfriend apa masuk tournament sampai takde masa nak contact boyfriend sendiri?
Bukannya kena training and maintain setiap hari kan?
Entah2 curang tak?

Hmm. Pasal ni sebenarnya dah settled.
Tiba2 triggered lepas baca balik mesej tu.
You know what I felt that day?
I felt like I should just punch you in the face,
With a hammer,
And slam your head to the wall.
Nahh, maybe then you'll shut the whining.

But well, I hope you won't do it again.
You know if I say something, I mean it.
And I'm definitely meant it when I said it was your last chance.
So prove it.

Ana kata hati aku kuat.
Sebab aku boleh move on lepas aku luahkan.
Tapi kenapa aku menangis?

Ye, dan aku masih menangis.

p/s: Hati lembut, maybe?

Thursday, July 6, 2017

La Libertà

And makcik finally have 15 anak buah now.
Penat jaga kakak2 dia yang banyak kerenah.

I actually am dreaming of a vacation.
Outside of my country, inside, who cares.
But I want to be somewhere.
Exploring new places.
New people.
New culture.

Enough of this tiresome life.
Small-minded people.
Full of hatred everywhere.

I wanted to be free.
Free to be myself.
To learn something new.
To find new passion,
New version of me,
And new mindset.

When can I be free?
Free from people,
From people who tried to turn me into something I don't want to be.

p/s : I wish I have the strength to free myself.