Saturday, March 3, 2018


Between being constantly sleepy
And annoyed
And wanting to shut people out
And wanting to smack everyone's head,
Here I am, trapped in my own mind.
Tangled. Lost. Out of place.

Learn to speak out, they said.
Express what you feel, they said.
We'll help you, they said.

I'll never believe those anymore.
I'm broken enough to trust people.
I've lost my faith in people.
They disappoint me every time I put my trust
Or hope
Or feelings.

Did I really ever felt anything actually?
Or was I a really good actress
That I am able to act out any personalities
Or feelings.

Emotionally exhausted.
My mind is going through a phase.
Manic episodes came back sometimes.
I cried almost every night to sleep.
I'll stare at something and felt sad.

I don't know how broken I am.
I can't measure it anymore.
I don't have the energy either.

"If I just let go, I'll be set free"

p/s: Everything is heavy when we hold on.

Sunday, February 11, 2018

Everything as it is.

Mock me if you want to.
Call me whatever you want to.
You know it won't break me.
It doesn't really bother me.
Bullshit? You're the pathetic one.

Nothing changed too much.
Me, still being depressed as always.
Still hating everything and everyone.
Still having these suicidal feelings.
Thinking how relieving it will be if I die.
How I can leave people around me feeling guilty,
Thinking of how my death could effect their lives,

I just leave everything be.
Go with the flow, they said.
Believe in His plans.
Don't think too much, they said.
If you were ever called a bitch and getting accused of being a flirt,
Also accused of not helping in building for the future,
Tell me how can you still be positive in your life?

Now that's true bullshit right there.
Not me tweeting about my thoughts and calling it bullshit.
Loser. Go fuck yourself.

I'm not even surprised at myself for crying to sleep and feeling normal afterwards.
It's part of my routine now.
Guess which motherfucker is responsible for it?
Everything is problematic.
Everything is suffocating.

p/s: I just wanted to go M.I.A. Being myself, away from this fucking crazy problematic family amd associated people.

Tuesday, December 26, 2017


One moment you said this,
Another you said shit.

I restrained myself from posting those comments you made towards me and that other person you are allergic to so much.

Because I'm not like you.
I'm not that low to post things like that.

p/s: Who fell into the deepest hole of despair? You.