Tuesday, November 7, 2017

Moving solo.

I don't know what bothers me the most right now.

But if it's my ego that I'm not wanting to forgive you,
Then it was your ego that never believed me
And this is how it turned out to be.

I believe me being a single person can make me better.
At least I won't have to deal with all those petty arguments.
Those unnecessary jealousy and your-I-can't-brain issues.

I have to find myself back.
And keeping all the love I have left.
For myself.

Sorry, I just can't do this anymore.
Just live your life, and let me live mine peacefully.

Day: End.

Sunday, October 1, 2017

Queen bee.

My mind is literally blank.
The new tournament is coming soon.
And I've volunteered as tribute.
I mean, manager.

I'll get busier.
Adding the part time job as well.
And studying.

I'm worried the same issue will take place.
You, me. You needing the attention I can't give.
Me having to alternate between messaging you and manage the team.
And being a manager is twice as hard as being the athlete.

Relationships are hard to handle.
Can't we just skip all these?

Why can't I let myself be a single lady?
Can't I just enjoy being busy myself?

Distance has separated us hard enough.
And problems make it worse.
You can't handle the thought of me here, surrounded by males.
While I, on the other hand, told you that if you found someone better,
Then I won't mind if you go.

I chose the simple life.
That way I can live peacefully.

p/s : I already gave my contacts and details to register. So yeah.

Bed time and stories in between.

I obviously am having some difficulties with my mind.
Or maybe, my feelings.

I was well-known as a person who keeps things to myself.
The outcome?
Random 3 am thoughts and sometimes,
Crying really hard with hiccups.

I can cry all night,
And sleep.
Then wake up and put on a devillish fake smile.

So 3 years ago, huh?
At least everything was put through and settled.
No hard feelings, okay?
I'm glad I talked about it.
And no other feelings, perhaps?
It's for the better.
And find a better person, I know you could.

And... you know what else I suddenly remembered?

My friend (girl) once told my best friend since primary school (guy),
That I was....
"Keluar dgn lelaki yg dia (which means me) baru kenal"
This happened in form 5 if I'm not mistaken.

Little that she remember is that,
She was the one went out with someone she just knew.
So... Dimakan kata2 sendiri? I don't know.

But leave that to that.
I hope she's happy with the life she chose.

Oh yeah, know what else I suddenly remembered? (This was because I was scrolling through Twitter's DMs)

"Jaga hati sy jgk plis"
Yeah you know who you are *wink*
It was my bad, I was the one involved with karate. So yeah.
I didn't spare some time to talk to you.
How could I, kan?

Girlfriend apa masuk tournament sampai takde masa nak contact boyfriend sendiri?
Bukannya kena training and maintain setiap hari kan?
Entah2 curang tak?

Hmm. Pasal ni sebenarnya dah settled.
Tiba2 triggered lepas baca balik mesej tu.
You know what I felt that day?
I felt like I should just punch you in the face,
With a hammer,
And slam your head to the wall.
Nahh, maybe then you'll shut the whining.

But well, I hope you won't do it again.
You know if I say something, I mean it.
And I'm definitely meant it when I said it was your last chance.
So prove it.

Ana kata hati aku kuat.
Sebab aku boleh move on lepas aku luahkan.
Tapi kenapa aku menangis?

Ye, dan aku masih menangis.

p/s: Hati lembut, maybe?